Micael Magalhães
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Here rests Micael Magalhaes’ collection of thoughts. Writing as an art in the intention to relief its own mind of its demons and gods. To disclose his philosophical, noisy and paradoxical perspective of the world.

On poisonous people

On poisonous people

Today went well, I went to the gym, did my errands and went for dinner with a friend. That is ignoring the fact I woke up 5am and couldn’t go back to sleep. Insomnia nights are very frequent to me since last year. But that’s not the focus, the focus is one statement. My friend and I were having dinner and he mentioned one of his experiences at work today:

A. comes to the shop to resell its luxury bags, while the order is being processed, it leaves for few minutes. Two other individuals enter the store instants later and start talking about A..

-Did you see A.? It was at this store selling its bags, I heard A. is broke. I even hired some of its “servers”. Imagine, living without the help?

This individual, that I’ll call B., is making the comment in a pejorative way; mocking, bullying. An attempt of showing some sort of superiority over the mate to the subject C.. There are so many levels of details we can go within this comment: its intentions, unintentions, interpretations and misinterpretations that could be and are.

In the first place, I do not believe B. is a friend of A.. Even if colleagues and if they might see each other in a regular basis, this malicious comment definitely reinsure that B. has at least misguided feelings for A.. That is poisonous, and can be very draining, specially for A.. If B. were a real friend, it would care for A.’s position, would ask if everything is ok or how could it help on this hard part of its life. It wouldn’t be subjugating and using other’s suffering to show off. 

Other point to be mentioned is this misguided feelings that B. has. It’s probably an inferiority syndrome; B. probably has issues in accepting itself and knowing its own value. Therefore, it has the necessity of diminishing others to feel better about its own misery. This behaviors are normally a repetition of their past, that is how people treated them before in previous situations. Similarly, that can be a repetition of familiar or social cycle demeanor. This constant acting is extremely exhausting for its host; tends to cause depression and other sociable inconveniences. Additionally, let’s emphasize the absence of hypocrisy that B. sheen on its phrase. Don’t forget, even if is luxury, it is on a thrift store itself, independent if you’re selling or buying; Why the need to be so judgmental?

People that make comments like B. tend to be stuck in micro-cycles in their lives. That means that most of the time they’re not completely self aware of their attitude, which it makes it extremely hard for them to rehabilitate their manners. This can be compared  with addictions: alcoholism, gambling, etc. However, we can not omit the fact that the action might be as well completely conscious, reinforcing the toxicity of its moderator. Independent if it was on purpose or not, this conduct is generated by a lack of sensibility to other perspectives. These are one of the contemporary society’s trap: the lack of empathy; this absence on most of western civilizations are responsible to many pernicious recurring habits; such as poverty, hunger, slavery, etc. Nevertheless, which are the alternatives that one can undertake in order to improve in this matter? My suggestion is self-awareness, use it on your work, social life, communal trips or even walk on the street. Just stop and think, if the comment you’re about to make is not constructive or respectful, you better keep it to yourself. It does not matter if is good or bad, there is always a way of saying things without being disrespectful. 

Other scapes that most people like B. undertake is to support a charity. That’s a great way to go. I believe there are so many causes in the world and that you should pick your battles. Yet, supporting a charity does not buy your ticket to ‘heaven’. That might give you a peace of mind, but does not justify being profane. Sometimes, the performance goes so much to its head, that is more of a show off in galas, than actually the cause they’re supporting. This bragging is vicious, and again, most of the people doing it are not self-aware. However, even with their gigantic ego and abhorrent scene, this is one of the ways the system finds to balance itself towards the less privileged. Philanthropy is mostly a favorable social principle.

Further, let’s think about the sense of priorities; For B. is clear its necessity to overwhelm society with its social climber skills. The sense of priorities and achievement of them is connected to its own meaning of happiness. Still, let’s not forget: priorities are like asses: everyone has its one, they’re all different and one does to it what it wants. Moreover, as previously mentioned: if life gives you lemons, do whatever the fuck you want with them. 

That makes me wonder. Who are the B.s in your life? Who actually don’t care or won’t stand up for you? Who instead of being helpful will cut your head and impale it? I believe is crucial to identify virulent people in your life, people that suck your energy, the ones who attain pleasure in see you failing. After pinpointed the entities, start analyzing how to minimize or optimize the interactions with them. That is not forgetting that sometimes we cannot avoid to see them, in case is a boss or someone that commutes with you. Make sure that every intercommunication you make an effort to be less drained or to not let it get to your head. If you can avoid, you may avoid their company. Remember to approximate with people that want your success and believe in you.  

The attitudes of A. and C. were not accounted since they could have been various based on their relationship, which was not disclosed. However, the comment from B. generated a gigantic distress within all participants, including the staff working at the store. Don’t be that person. 

To conclude, I understand that independent of any intentions, misbehaviors or interpretations, there is no good or bad, right or wrong. Just how you act upon your daily situations and what you decide to do. Make sure you have a thriving behavior to you and to others.