The day after..

The day that comes after, you know you’ve written way more than it shows, that you’ve talked waaaaaay more than you should have had.  Then you just look at what was supposed to be the result of all the endurance, pain and suffering you gave away trying to achieve something. Your head is slightly spinning and you have that you’ve given a ‘check’ to your morals last night. 

There you go, all you got is an excerpt. Thank -oh mighty mighty- you’re thankful. And you still are, trying to get to live life with your karma points. 

All that effort and worrying drained down to a couple of nonsense. At least you’re with some of your loved ones, that might not care if you’d one waaaay too many, or spoke the most poking phrase of the evening.

There is no teasing if there is no care, indifference is the utmost painful and annoying feeling you might provide and receive from a being. Is less damaging a ‘no’ than the vacuum. 

There was also the loved ones that even far apart were closer than the wall across the room.  Yes, be still thankful to what they were, are and are going to be. Be able to say thanks after the 'day of the thanking’ is the only thing that keeps ___ going, know I have the privilege to drink the devil’s tears and still be grateful. 

Being thankful to the pain and suffering of others that might of might not have helped you to be privileged is amoral. Doesn’t take away their pain, doesn’t fixes yours either, but deaden you; Enough to keep walking the trail of your dreams without having to stop to cry over whenever you step on a rock on the road. Everyday mourning the saudades of your loved ones, but happy to have other loved ones closer. 

Being, or at least trying to be thankful might be my anesthetic drug, other people have other methods, not better or worse, nor necessarily more or less effective. I hope you know what you do to make you stupefy. If you don’t, that might be dangerous; getting too desensitized and loosing what you consider reality is a tricky business. When you’re numb you can easily hurt yourself. 

Let’s walk more like we used to, before we had shoes that ‘protect’ your feet, however, at the same time disconnecting us to anything you’re stepping in. A more conscious walk, that you feel the ground with your toes before you drag all your weight on it. 

Learning daily to walk again, I’m relearning all the process of learning or even being. There is no choice, that’s what life is: not fair. But, we are still thankful to it, to this greek tragedy play. Trying to construct anything apollonian on our way; Even though you know that the closest to a god that you are is to shiva; moreover, every art, excerpt and piece you produce is close to an egocentric-dionysian-duchampic-artistic fart.

Thanks -oh mighty- was not a checkmate, let’s live it again the anxiety of not being tomorrow.; yet