When you can choose the voices in your head

When showering today, one thought crossed my mind. My thoughts are being guided by the music I’m hearing right now. Not that they completely change it and have a dictatorship of all that I’m thinking; however, they can guide, influence and mind-blow any other thought that might be currently on. 

I just imagined myself as the ‘classic’ psychotic person that has voices in their heads. But wait, I’ve chosen this music, also was not the first time I’d heard it. I’d went back and chosen my favorite singer station, that is somehow a pleasurable ‘speech’ to be beside me in a ‘boring’ and laborious task; that is to shower. 

- Sure I love showers, most days they can be the most pleasurable part of the day. However, specially after two surgeries in one week, that does not make them less laborious. -

So I wonder, we choose the voices in our heads. Sure there is the society noise and clutter: your parents, your partners, friends… Nonetheless; You, if haven’t chosen them all, some of them, if not mostly, are your own choices. Moreover, even if you have someone speaking to you, is your own decision to actually listen to them. 

Then I also ponder, the voices are not limited to music. This morning one of my first decisions of the day - of course, that was after making my strong english breakfast tea, grabbing my phone and checking out my most boring fishing game ever: ‘hooked’ and making sure I have some almonds and walnuts so my tummy stop hurting of hunger - was to seat and put on one of my utmost favorite tv shows: ‘sex and the city’. I’ve started rewatching the first season recently, after I noticed they were available at amazon prime. - Ooooh god, I love this show, it had helped me in my teenage years to get out of my shell and find my own voice - So now I realize: we have books, colleagues, jobs, wives, boyfriends, movies, advertisement and we can go on and on with this list. How much of the voices we listen to are basically at our own will? For sure at least we have some responsibility in their being. 

In the end, aren’t we all psychotics with chosen voices in our heads? Our personality is a fabric of all the voices we have chosen and choose to listen everyday. I can begin a list of countless voices, angels, demons, artists, philosophers, lovers, teachers, movies, (…) that constitute me. So in that sense, I can definitely say: even if it makes me psychotic. I mostly love the announcements in my cranium.